I’ll cut right to the chase:
- I use drugs while I’m at work.
- I regularly get high before going to work.
- I fully support having sexual relations with my co-workers. In fact, the guy I’m with right now (James Pendleton)…the guy I’m living with…I started banging him while we were both working at Apollo Group.
- I regularly…okay, frequently…miss work. I usually make up some bullshit about my kid being sick, or something.
- Even though I frequently try to talk like I know what I’m talking about, the truth is, I’m usually barely competent. And often, barely coherent.
- I habitually criticize my supervisors and co-workers. Though, this is only because I have a constant fear that people are going to realize I have no idea what I’m doing.
- Did I mention I regularly go to work high? Chances are I’m high right now:)
- I’m amazingly racist – but only toward brown people (Mexicans, Cubans, Guatamalans…whatever, they’re all the same). But I’m fine with black people so it’s okay. Well, actually, I also don’t like anybody that doesn’t speak English.
- I enjoy telling my co-workers about how I used to be a stripper and how we used to get the best coke (cocaine, not the soft drink).
- When you meet me I’ll put on a facade of sweetness so thick you’ll immediately adore me. You’ll wonder how it is anyone could dislike me. But it really is nothing more than a facade. The moment you’re not looking I’ll be scheming ways to betray you – not for any real reason – just because it’s fun to fuck with people.
- I’ve never accepted responsibility for anything – which is okay because so far there’s always been someone else to blame it on.
- I have a history of jumping into relationships with men that abuse me (though, admittedly, I usually deserve it because any man that won’t hit a woman deserves to have dishes thrown at him). This is relevant because I’ll probably be missing some work as a result of these fights.
I would tell you about my skills, but honestly, I don’t really have any. The work I was doing at Apollo Group was so specific to their internal systems that it doesn’t really transfer to other workplaces very well. Well, that’s not really true – truth is, I’m just so high most of the time that I just don’t care enough to put the effort into doing anything…like finishing this blog post.
Anyway, fucking hire me or don’t hire me, whatever. Who cares. I don’t really need the money – I’ve got James to take care of me and my kids.
As long as Patrick keeps writing all this nasty (though true) stuff about me people (like James) are going to keep feeling bad for me and I’ll keep getting free rides.
Suck it, bitches! Keep your fucking jobs – I wouldn’t work for you anyway. Stupid dirty cocksucking faggot whores.