In January last year my ex-husband, Patrick, sent me an email saying that he was going to shoot me, that that’s how much he hates me! Patrick has multiple guns…that he shoots…and he constantly crosses the border between Canada and the US, unnoticed. He can easily cross the border and show up at my door at any moment and do it. And I’m scared out of my mind that he’s going to. Every moment of every day, I live in terror. I’m afraid to leave the house to even just go to the store to get milk. I’m afraid, constantly, for my children. He’s crazy…psychotic…he’s obsessed with me…I mean, fuck, just look at this website – do you have any idea how much time must have gone into a website like this? I can’t look for a job because I’m stressed out all the time. Some days I can barely get out of bed. Oh, god, why won’t anyone help me?
Or, at least, that’s the story I’ve been feeding to the news media lately, and to the FBI and Homeland Security before that, and to the local law enforcement and local courts before that. But am I really scared Patrick would do anything like that? Do I really even think, for one moment, that Patrick would ever physically harm me? Well, let’s consider some of the relevant facts in this matter – facts which I’ve very deliberately left out of the story when I speak to the police and the judges and the journalists.
According to the story I’ve been selling, I received the email from Patrick, where he said he was going to kill me, in January 2015. Yet, I never made an issue of it until July 20, 2015 – about a week after Patrick first posted my boyfriend James Pendleton’s name and picture on this website; and, less than 24 hours after receiving an email from Patrick, stating:
I just don’t see how it’s possible that Pendleton could possibly maintain a security clearance while also cohabiting with you. I mean, wouldn’t a responsible, patriotic citizen feel a sense of obligation to report such a situation to the proper authorities? How can a person with such poor judgement that he would be seriously committed enough to a woman that he would have her move into his house with her two children, be trusted with a security clearance – a top secret clearance, at that.
James would later testify, at the hearing for the injunction against harassment he filed against Patrick, that Patrick had threatened his security clearance, and that his security clearance was his livelihood.
So, on the one hand, I’m begging people to believe that I’m sincerely afraid for mine and my children’s safety, yet I’ve known for 15 years that Patrick has owned guns and goes shooting regularly. He had guns when we lived together; I’ve made reference to him having guns in numerous declarations I’ve filed in our child custody proceedings – but never in any kind of fearful way, just as a matter of fact; since he’s been living in Canada and our son has been going there to visit him, I’ve known that they’ve been going to the shooting range – I’ve watched videos of them at the at the range; and none of that was ever an issue for me…until the moment Patrick mentioned James’ security clearance.
The Increasing Embellishment
The first time I claimed Patrick threatened me, in my report to the RCMP in July 2015, I said “[Patrick] has been emailing me, telling me he would shoot me if it was legal”. I made the mistake, however, of providing the RCMP a copy of the actual email. I don’t think they took it very seriously after that. In fact, the last line of the Constable’s report stated:
There is no criminal offence being committed.
Oh well, live and learn, right.
A couple days later James and I went to the Sahuarita Municipal Court to get an Order of Protection against Patrick. This time I made sure not to provide a copy of the email. I would just turn on the tears, and act all scared and shit, and tell the judge Patrick “tells me that he discussed shooting me with our son and said that he would if there was no risk of going to jail”. It worked! The court granted the order of protection based solely on that completely unsupported claim. Of course, I didn’t mention that it was stated in an email – otherwise the court might have asked to see a copy of it.
In December 2015, at the contested hearing for the order of protection, I stuck to that claim I had told the court. I figured it worked in July, it’ll work now. But Patrick denied ever saying that he would shoot me, or that he ever threatened me. Since I provided no evidence to support my claim it was “he said, she said”. The court didn’t buy it any more.
And, although there was an order of protection against Patrick, prohibiting him from “harassing” me, he continued to post shit about me on this website. Why was the court not doing anything about that? Why were the police not doing anything about it?
So, after that hearing, I stepped it up a bit. Fuck saying Patrick said “he would shoot me if the risk of jail time were not there”. I started telling people Patrick said he would kill me, murder me, and ignoring the conditional part about the risk of jail time. I called every law enforcement agency that might possibly have any kind of jurisdiction; every news media entity whose telephone number I could find; telling them that my ex-husband clearly said he intended to murder me.
So let’s recap: Over 7 months, my story went from briefly mentioning, in passing, that Patrick had a conversation with our son wherein he said, to our son (not to me), he would shoot me if there was no risk of jail time – to Patrick plainly stating he was going to murder me. And still no one did a damn thing about it!
The Legal Irrelevance of the Order of Protection
I claim that I need the order of protection to protect me from Patrick shooting me, physically shooting me, with the guns that he shoots.
Yet, I also claim Patrick is not a US citizen and has been deported from the US. I further claim that Patrick was convicted of perjury – a felony.
Federal law, specifically 18 U.S.C. § 922(g), makes it illegal for any person who is in the US illegally, and for any person who has been convicted of a felony, to possess a firearm. Therefore, according to my story, Patrick is already prohibited from possessing firearms in the US – regardless of the order of protection! So what additional security can I possibly believe a civil order of protection – can possibly provide? I mean, it doesn’t make Patrick possessing a firearm within the US more illegal. In fact, it changes absolutely nothing at all (at least with respect to Patrick possessing firearms, or providing me any kind of protection).
Of course, if the perjury conviction were ever to be vacated…oh, let’s say, on the doctrines of “literal truth”, or “actual innocence”…then the § 922(g) prohibitions would no longer apply. Could it be that I’ve been bullshitting all along and I know Patrick actually is a US citizen and I believe that conviction might someday be vacated? That would seem the most logical conclusion, wouldn’t it?
Now let’s consider the logistics that would be involved in Patrick actually attempting to shoot me.
First, the constraints:
- Because of our history, if anything were to happen to me Patrick would be the prime suspect.
- He cannot leave any record or evidence that he was within the US around the time of something happening to me because that would definitely draw huge suspicion on him.
- He cannot be seen by anyone who might be able to later recognize him and pick him out of a police photo array. This become more critical the closer he would get to Sahuarita.
Patrick lives in Vancouver…which is in Canada…a foreign country. 1,700 miles away from me.
He would have to sneak into the US, crossing the border without being detected, because he would be illegally smuggling a firearm into the US. That means he would not be able to drive across the border or fly. He would have to walk at least 15 miles – without encountering a single Border Patrol or CBSA officer.
He would then have to catch a Greyhound to Seattle. From there he could either continue on Greyhound or catch a train. He wouldn’t be able to fly because bringing a firearm onto a plane would most certainly guarantee being detected and detained by TSA. And because flying would generate an official record of his presence. He wouldn’t be able to rent a car and drive because to rent a car he would need to use a credit card and show his driver’s license, which would provide a record of his presence.
Taking a bus or train from Seattle to Tucson would take at least 2 – 3 days (one way). By the time he got to Tucson he would be exhausted and would need to grab a hotel so he could rest, shower, and change into clean clothes (come on, he’s not a savage, after all). But, he wouldn’t be able to rent a hotel room because that would require using a credit card and showing ID. Again, leaving a record of his presence.
There are no Greyhounds or trains which come to Sahuarita, so he would have to go to Tucson, then make his way the additional 20 miles to Sahuarita. That means using a taxi or the public transit that only runs once every couple of hours. He would have to be careful not to be seen by anyone near Sahuarita, otherwise they would be able to identify him in a photo array. That rules out taking a taxi or public transit. So what, he’s going to walk the 20 miles? I guess so.
So then, after being on a bus for the past 2 – 3 days, having not showered or shaved, smelling and looking like shit, and walking another 20 miles, he would have to stroll into my white, middle class neighborhood without anyone noticing what appears to be an incredibly out of place homeless man, carrying a backpack (he would have to conceal the gun somewhere).
And then, what if I’m not home the moment he gets there? Does he wait out front? Walk aimlessly around the neighborhood? Both of which would surely draw attention to him – remember, he must not be seen by anybody.
So then, let’s suppose he actually pulls all of that off; shows up at my home; and knocks on my door – then what? Will I be the one to answer? Or our son? Or James? He can’t possibly know. But he would have to have the pistol out, with a round chambered and the hammer cocked, because he would have no idea if I’m going to answer the door with a gun of my own to defend myself. But what if our son answers the door? How does he explain his presence? How does he explain the cocked Beretta PX4 (I’m assuming he would use the PX4, but it’s somewhat arbitrary) in his hand?
He would have no way of knowing if there was anybody else in the house at the moment. Would he be intending to shoot all of them too? I mean, he’d have to wouldn’t he? They’d be witnesses.
Then there’s the issue of the noise. For those who’ve never heard a gun fired – they’re loud as fuck! There’s no way none of my neighbors would hear the shots. And, unlike an immobile paper target, shooting a moving target is much, much harder. We have to assume he would have to fire multiple rounds – each with it’s own deafening BANG! for my neighbors to hear.
Then, he would have to somehow fade away – again, undetected. Likely, someone would have called the police after hearing the shots fired. A scruffy looking guy walking away from the scene is not likely to get too far before being spotted by a cruiser.
But let’s pretend reality is the surreal fantasy world I live in. Let’s pretend Patrick was actually able to flee the scene, on foot, in an area where it’s all flat, open desert spaces. Then he would have to make the trek all the way back to Vancouver – again, without being detected. That means another Greyhound or train ride…no hotels…no rental cars…no planes.
In total, the excursion would take at least 6 days. He would have to hope that nobody at his office notices his absence. He would have to, somehow, make it look like he continued to go about his day to day routine – someone would have to stay at his apartment during that time so that there would be records of his Netflix account being used, access to the Internet from his connection – because a sudden 6 day period of complete inactivity at exactly the same time that something bad happened to me would be incredibly suspicious. Also, absolutely no activity on his credit and/or debit cards; no daily stops at Starbucks, using the Starbucks app on his phone? And, of course, he wouldn’t be able to take his phone with him because smartphones have GPS devices and that might generate evidence of his location. But then how would he explain not checking his messages or email for all that time? Checking his email would potentially generate a record of the IP address he checked it from – which could be used to determine his approximate location when he accessed the mail server.
And then there’s the issue of ballistics. In Canada, all handguns have to be registered to their owner and to a specific address. All of Patrick’s handguns are registered in his name, and to his address. The RCMP can show up at any time to verify that he’s storing them in accordance with the laws (i.e. that a trigger lock is in place, and they’re also locked inside a secure container). If Patrick were to shoot me with one of his own guns then he’d have to dispose of that gun because the slugs which would be extracted from my body may (arguably) be able to be matched to the barrel markings of the gun. But then he’d have to immediately notify the RCMP that the gun was lost or stolen. And reporting that exact gun lost or stolen, within a close proximity of me being shot would be incredibly suspicious. And, the moment something happened to me, you know the RCMP would be knocking on his door – as I pointed out, he would be the primary suspect if anything ever happened to me. Chances are, he would still be on a Greyhound, on his way back to Canada at that point.
Alright, enough! I think you get my point. It would be completely, utterly, unquestionably impossible for Patrick to “shoot me” without leaving a trail of evidence. Even the dumbest person in the world can see that there is absolutely no way he would be able to pull something like that off without getting caught and going to prison for the rest of his life.
Obviously my motivation for telling the world that my ex-husband stated on the Internet that he is going to murder me is that I’m scared shitless that he is going to murder me, right?
Well, actually, if you consider all the facts, the timeline, and the specific points James and I brought up in our testimony at the order of protection hearing, the real motivation should be quite apparent: To get this website taken down! 99% of our testimony was focused on this website. I only made one brief reference to the email from Patrick, stating that he would shoot me.
Interestingly, at the combined order of protection and injunction against harassment hearings, very little time was spent on my concerns. When asked if I had any questions for Patrick I said no. Most of the hearing was focused on James’ claims that this website was “harassing” him and that Patrick had violated his copyrights.
Personally, I don’t really care about this website – as is evidenced by the fact that I did nothing about it for years, until James appeared on it and started crawling up my ass about it.
Before filing for the order of protection and the injunction against harassment, we (well, James actually) contacted Patrick’s domain registrar, and Internet service provider, to complain about this website in the hopes they would force Patrick to take it down (see the email here). They told him that Patrick wasn’t violating their respective policies and that without a court order they weren’t going to do anything. And that was the real reason we filed for the restraining orders! Obviously, we’re not the brightest bulbs in the pack – we figured any court order would suffice; we didn’t realize it would have to be a court order explicitly compelling those companies to do some specific thing. Moreover, we didn’t realize it would have to be a court order issued by a court which actually has jurisdiction in the specific geographic location where the website is actually, physically hosted (which is not in the US).
The Actual Email and Threatening Statement
And now, let’s have a look at that actual email that supposedly started it all. It’s posted right here on this website for the whole world to see. The relevant quote, in it’s entirety – because context is, obviously significant – is as follows:
He [our son] once asked me if I would shoot you. I told him that murder is illegal and immoral and can result in spending the rest of one’s life in prison. And that the rest of my life in prison is not a risk I’m willing to take. But otherwise, no, I would have no qualms about it; that that is how much I despise you for the things you’ve done and continue to do. He did not flinch; he didn’t look anything other than indifferent; as best I could tell, he didn’t care. The topic never came up again. That was during his visit last summer. To be clear, I told [Detective] Tuchfarber [see note 1, below] the same thing. There is nothing illegal or threatening about wanting to harm someone – as long as you don’t act on it. I am reasonable and rational enough to know the difference, and to refrain from engaging in such activity.
And let me be absolutely clear on this point: I would never deliberately cause you physical harm, other than in self defense or defense of another. Though that is nothing special toward you – I have that rule for ALL people. Also, I emphasize that [our son] brought up the question and I only responded to it truthfully.
Now, as you can see, there’s no actual threat in there. Patrick never actually said he intends to shoot me – only that he wouldn’t have a moral dilemma (or qualm, as he put it) about it, and only if there was no risk of going to prison. Well, shooting someone is a crime, so there is, and always will be, the risk of going to prison. In other words, it is an impossible condition. So, even if he did actually say that he intended to shoot me (which he very clearly didn’t), he premised it on an impossible condition which could never, in our lifetimes, come to pass.
More so, he then, very clearly emphasizes that “[he] would never deliberately cause [me] physical harm“.
Even Ghandi would consider that communication innocuous!
There is absolutely no sincerity to my claims of fear for my safety. I have the misguided belief that by simply repeating the claim enough times, and by telling enough people about it, that this website will go away. I have absolutely no idea how one thing is connected to the other, but reality is not something I’ve ever had much of a grip on.
No, folks, I’m just trying to manipulate the courts, the numerous law enforcement agencies, and now the media, to get this website taken down. That’s all, pure and simple. I’m lying and crying and making up completely false allegations about people to exploit the compassion and empathy of the masses to get what I want. Just more of the same ol’ same ol’ for those who know me.
Notes from the Editor:
- Detective Shayne Tuchfarber of the Phoenix Police Dept, was the Detective in charge of Desiree’s first complaint of harassment against Patrick, back in 2014. Nothing came of that case.
- This post, like all of the posts on this website, was not written by Desiree, regardless of the fact that it’s written in the first person, from the perspective of Desiree.
- We wish to emphasize that Patrick has absolutely no history of violent, aggressive, or threatening behavior. Nor any history of emotional or psychological instability. This post is not intended to threaten, intimidate, instil fear in anybody – the purpose of this post is to point out how ridiculous and clearly malicious Desiree’s claims of fear for her safety are.