January 2001. We were living in Phoenix – Patrick and I. Our son had been born a few months prior, but he’d spent the first 3 months in the hospital because he was premature. We had brought him home about a month ago.
I was 20 years old. Old enough and mature enough, in my mind, to make the very serious decision to have and to raise a child.
But after a month of having a newborn in the home – the constant crying,
screaming, waking up all night, the feeding, the constant, never ending, relentless attention – I just couldn’t take it anymore!
I told Patrick I’d had it. I couldn’t do it anymore! I had to get rid of that baby – it’s ruining my life. Patrick had fairly strong opinions about parents discarding their children – probably because his own parents were pretty shitty and discarded him when he was growing up. Nevertheless, I had him wrapped around me finger and he would agree to whatever I’d propose. I told him I think we should give it up for adoption. I told him I think that would be best because Patrick was too emotionally devoid to raise a child and I just wasn’t ready for all this. Of course, Patrick said he’d support whatever decision I made – just like a good little bitch.
I didn’t mention the prospect of selling our son at first. That might have been a bit much. So, instead, I just put the idea out there, planted the seed, if you will. I said, “I wonder if adoption agencies pay for children.”
Patrick replied, “I would have no idea. But, I wouldn’t think so.” He didn’t seem particularly troubled by the idea – indifferent, mostly, I suppose. Was he shocked? Repulsed? Affected in any way? Hard to tell. Patrick’s not easily excitable.
I left it at that. There was no need to say anything further on the matter. Besides, he probably figured I wasn’t serious. I mean, what kind of monster contemplates exchanging their new born baby for monetary notes?
The next day, I called around to some adoption agencies. They didn’t seem to take too kindly to me asking about the possibility of receiving any kind of compensation for the child. I have to admit, was surprised. I mean, there are so many people waiting to adopt babies and here I had a brand new one – fresh from the hospital, that the new owners could mold into whatever they chose. I was basically saving some poor woman the nuisance of having to go through 9 months of pregnancy and destroying her money maker by passing a baby through it. That had to be worth something, right?
I think it was, maybe, the third or forth agency I called that the woman became quite angry at my proposition of payment. She said she was going to call the police and child protective services! I quickly hung up. Fuck!
The police never came. I never heard from CPS. I didn’t tell Patrick about the calls to the adoption agencies – not right away, anyway. I waited a week or so then I mentioned to him, just in passing, that I’d called an (singular) agency and that they told me it would be illegal to accept money in exchange for a baby. He just looked at me. I don’t know if he was upset that we couldn’t get a few bucks, or if he was disgusted with me – though, the fact that he filed for divorce and custody of our son not long after is a pretty good indication, I suppose.
Oh well. So, that didn’t work out. A couple months later we moved back to Los Angeles, then a few months after that we separated and I took our son with me, back to Phoenix. Two months later, I ditched our son in Phoenix and moved back to Florida. Patrick immediately went to Phoenix to get our son, brought him back to LA, then filed for divorce and got custody of the little bastard.
Big deal. I just made another one with my new boyfriend in Florida. They’re only kids – it’s not like you can’t just pop out more, right?
I Will Deny This…
If you ever ask me about this I will deny it ever happened.
Then, if you point out the email where I acknowledge it happened, then I will tell you it was not me – it was Patrick…he made me do it…he made me call the adoption agencies…he was the one that said we should see if we could get money from our son.
Then, if you point out that I could have refused; I could have told somebody; I could have left him; I will become belligerent and accuse you of things you’ve never done, and you will be too distracted defending yourself against my unsupported, false allegations.
The world will always defend poor, innocent people like me – no matter what we do, no matter how disgusting our actions, the world is just not ready to accept that a cute, blonde, sweet spoken mother can also be a monster.
But History Proves What Really Happened
I say Patrick made me do it; Patrick says I did it all on my own, without his knowledge. How are you, the reader, supposed to know how it really happened?
Well, let’s consider:
- I have never provided any evidence to support any of my claims against Patrick;
- Patrick has never made a claim against me for which he has not provided compelling evidence of;
- Every allegation I have made against Patrick, in international and local news, has been proven to be false;
- Not one allegation Patrick has made against me, on this website, has been proven to be false;
- I was the one that tried to kill my unborn baby 5 months into the pregnancy;
- I was the one that pawned him off on my mother, when he was only a year old, so I could move to another state to be with another man – and when I did this I did not inform Patrick – it was my mother that “accidentally” informed Patrick I had left our son with her;
- Patrick was the one that brought him back to LA cared for him after I abandoned him;
- I was that one that chose not to be in my child’s life from the age of 1 through the age of 11;
- Patrick was the one that raised him alone while I was off living my new life, with my new son;
- I was the one that took him by force, when he was 11, and didn’t know me, to another state and tried to get custody of him;
- I was the one that had his father deported because that was the only way I could get custody of him;
- I am the one that habitually speaks of him as though he is a possession, not a living person;
- I have repeatedly tried to get a court order prohibiting all contact between Patrick and our son;
- Patrick has never forced our son to spend time with him, or tried to get a court order prohibiting contact or visitation with me.
So, decide for yourself: How do you think it really happened? Based on the proven, factual history – supported by stacks of evidence, including my own words and court testimony – who do you think would have been more likely to try to sell our son for a few quick, easy bucks?