A while back, I promised, eventually I would tell you the story about the time I was living in my car, had unprotected sex with a guy I hardly knew – in that car, then didn’t take a shower for the next 3 days. Well, that time has come!
It was February 2000. I was with this guy I had just met – I won’t mention any names, but if you’ve been following this site, you should be able to figure out who based on the timeline. I had just met the guy a couple of weeks prior. Did he have AIDS, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea? Who the fuck knows! In retrospect, I knew so little about the stupid bastard – fuck, I didn’t even know his real name at that point.
Anyway, we had just moved back to Los Angeles from Phoenix. I didn’t have a place to live yet and we were staying in a rental car. He had a job but we hadn’t received his first paycheck yet.
One night, we were driving somewhere around Calabasas or Thousand Oaks, looking for a place to park and crash for the night. We found a decent, quiet spot, down some little two lane road, somewhere past Westlake Village. We sat in the car for a bit, smoked a few cigarettes. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. Sure, why not, he replied. Truth is, I don’t remember what the fuck he replied – it was 16 fucking years ago! But either way, it must have been something in the affirmative, because we had sex. He climbed into the passenger seat, I got on top of him…and, well, that’s about, really. I mean, how the fuck else are you going to describe having sex in the passenger seat of a rental car? Space was a little cramped, and it was a little awkward, but at least one orgasm was reached so I guess something was accomplished.
That night we slept there in the car, parked out in the middle of nowhere, near Westlake Villiage, with some almost-stranger’s spluge sloshing around in my “parts” (I don’t want to say “vagina” because that’s so over-used, and because often when people speak of “vagina” they’re really referring to the labia). Anyway, his funk was all up inside me and, to be honest, after some time it started to get a little uncomfortable. Not right away – like, maybe some time the next morning.
Speaking of the next morning, he went to work and I went and parked the car somewhere and slept.
A couple more days past, then he got his first paycheck. We got a hotel room and I finally took a shower. And not a moment to fucking soon! I swear, I was so fucking itchy, and it burned! I don’t mean in general – I’m talking about my snatch, my junk, my fucking cunt, alright?
My advice to all you dirty-ass, nasty, trailer park hos out there: When you’re living in your car and your not sure you’ll be able to shower within the next 12 hours – don’t have unprotected sex! It leads to some nasty uncomfortableness. Now, if you have a condom then by all means, go to town!
So, anyway, that’s the story of the time I had unprotected sex in a car, with a guy I barely new, and didn’t shower until 3 days later.
Ah, good times, good times.