You Know You’re White Trash When…

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Following is a list of typical female, white trash characteristics. If you notice that you have a few of the characteristics it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re white trash – but the more you have the more likely you are white trash.  And if you have all of these characteristics, well, then you’re definitely, unquestionably, absolutely, and hopelessly white trash!

It’s truly rare that you will encounter a single person possessing all of these traits…because to be that trashy takes true skill and determination.  But we have found one such person – Me!  Indeed, this is not just a list of trashy traits, but a list of traits of Desiree Capuano, myself.

  • Yes! That IS a tattoo of a ring, on her ring finger!

    You have a “finger band” tattoo on your ring finger, where a wedding ring should be…

  • You consider cable TV more important than your childrens’ medical care…
  • You spend your paycheck at the bar, rather than on food for your children…
  • You consider $50 a lot for a pair of shoes…
  • All of your relationships go from 1) meeting the person; 2) sleeping with the person; 3) moving in with the person; 4) becoming engaged to the person – all in less than 1 year, and this keeps happening consistently, over and over…
  • You never reside at one address more than 2 years…
  • You start every day with [insert mood altering substance here]…
  • You don’t realize that the top sheet, the unfitted sheet, is meant to go between you and the comforter…
  • You call a mattress lying on the floor a “bed”…
  • You have a lot of dishes – but none of them match…
  • You have a lot of linens (sheets, towels, et cetera) – but none of them match…
  • You’re most common tactics for arguing is to yell louder than the other person, and to accuse them of stuff that has nothing to do with the topic of the argument…
  • You discipline your children in public…
  • You call the police on your “friend” one day then invite them to your child’s birthday party the next day…
  • You honestly have no idea that you’re white trash…
  • You think having gone to community college or a for profit “university” automatically makes you not white trash…
  • Your credit has been shot for as long as you’ve had credit…
  • You’d rather spend your money on weed than on new shoes for your kids…
  • You have a huge wardrobe which consists entirely of polyester outfits from K-Mart…
  • Desiree, with her most recent ex-fiancé, Kristopher Lauchner who is now serving a 7 year prison sentence for shit he did while she was with him.

    You repeatedly get involved with drug addicted or alcoholic men who sit around and do nothing…

  • You repeatedly rush into moving in with those drug addicted or alcoholic men who sit around and do nothing…
  • Your home is furnished with a mismatched hodgepodge of other peoples’ throw-aways, collected over the years…
  • You’re living in a house owned by your fiancé’s cousin, your fiancé goes to jail and your completely sell him out to the police, but then continue living in his family’s house – until he bonds out of jail 6 months later and kicks you out…
  • You have multiple children from multiple men – neither of whom you’re with any more…
  • You try to use your children to get back at their respective fathers…
  • You finance your furniture from rent-to-own places…
  • You can’t afford to feed your children yet you have multiple pets (yet, somehow, you’re always able to feed your pets)…
  • You always have weed on hand even though there’s no food in the fridge…
  • If you smoke, you always have cigarettes on hand even though there’s no food in the cupboards…
  • You consistently put your boyfriends before your children (e.g. making your children move to another city because you want to move into your boyfriend’s house)…
  • You falsely accuse others of extremely serious things like child abduction, without giving it a second thought…
  • You consistently make incredibly stupid decisions which almost always end up backfiring on you…
  • You throw fits and tantrums in public, for your neighbors to see…
  • You don’t realize how trashy your neighbors think you are when they see you throwing fits and tantrums in your front yard…
  • You got a degree from the University of Phoenix and you honestly believe it puts you in the same category as people who graduated from a real school…
  • Your proud of the fact that while you were attending the TASC drug diversion program you were able to continue getting high…
  • You chose to accept prop 200 (Arizona) in lieu of a simple marijuana possession conviction, because you believe it’s better to be an admitted drug addict than to have a misdemeanour possession conviction…
  • You think it’s cool to have a medical marijuana card because you don’t realize that puts you in a database of drug users and prohibits you from many things under federal laws (like possessing a firearm)…
  • You consider your ability to continue using weed more important than raising your kids…
  • You tell your kids that one day they’ll learn to appreciate and even love the smell of marijuana…
  • You’re racist against hispanics, but you’re okay with them washing your car…
  • Your home is a mess and you never clean it…
  • You live paycheck to paycheck, even though you’ve been working steadily with the same company for the past 6 years and your salary at the time your were fired was around $70,000…
  • You were recently fired for repeatedly (nee, chronically) being high at work and, worse yet, actually using drugs at work…
  • You honestly think your co-workers actually like you and can’t smell the fact that you just smoked up in the parking lot…
  • Desiree hanging out in the garage – where Kris used to smoke meth – where she told the police she never goes into and has no idea what he does in there.

    You have no sense of loyalty to anyone – even the person you have been engaged to for the past two years, such that when they’re in trouble you turn on them…

  • You allow your meth head fiancé to hide stolen guns in your home with your children present…
  • You allow your meth head fiancé to smoke meth in the house while your children are present…
  • You keep your weed stash in the night table next to your bed, unlocked, where your kids can stumble across it…
  • You belong to a pool (billiards) league…
  • You participate in neighborhood bar pool tournaments…
  • You get into serious relationships with guys who have tattoos of swastikas…
  • You say things like “You are no better than a dirty Mexican” in emails you send to your ex-husband – knowing he will probably publish them on a website just like this one…
  • You’ve lived in a trailer park and you feel no sense of shame, humiliation, or embarrassment about it…
  • You’ve been convicted of being under the influence of a mood altering substance in a public place…
  • You’ve been confined to a psychiatric hospital, under court order…
  • You’ve had two children before the age of 23…
  • You can’t afford to support your children but you can afford to take a long trip to Europe…
  • You were convicted for being nude in a strip club, where you were working as a stripper, at the age of 19…
  • Desiree sleeping with her dog’s ass in her face!

    You falsely accused your father or forcing you to have an abortion at the age of 19…

  • You falsely claimed to have previously had a miscarriage in order to influence your boyfriend to go along with you having their child at the age of 19…
  • You leave your child to go live with some guy in another state…
  • You have a dart board on any wall of your home…
  • You consider Sizzler a “good” restaurant…
  • You let people take pictures of you while you’re sleeping…in your bed…then you copy those pictures to someone else’s phone so they become “public domain” and end up on the Internet…
  • You find out there’s a website with a bunch of humiliating stuff about you so you go to the media to get it publicized on television, radio, and newspapers so that even more people can find out about it…
  • You watch UFC…

Indubitably, my friends, if a single person has this many white trash characteristics…well, that is one hell of a trashy bitch!

 

11 Responses to You Know You’re White Trash When…

  1. mgumby says:

    Fucking eh lol

  2. Claysen Powers says:

    Wow this woman really seems like white trash. My friend has an ex boyfriend that really reminds me of her. He is the trashiest man on the planet. He got fellatio from a feral rat (twice) lied to her and told her it never happened which led to that RAT attacking her face. He then proceeded to take her virginity and date her for 5 more months. He is a piece of literal shit. He also belongs in a nut house. This website is extremely inspiring to all of us out here who have been fucked over by large pieces of white trash. Thank you for having the courage to speak up about the disgusting pieces of trash that take up air and space on this planet we call earth.

  3. Guest says:

    This has me laughing out loud. Too funny. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re the one behind dontevenreply.com You’re awesome!

  4. ChangedPerspective says:

    I can agree with everything else, but I would like to address a couple stances in your claims that you should reconsider.

    “You consider $50 a lot for a pair of shoes…”

    If you’re paying full price for designer shoes, you’re a fool. I find a man who knows how to save more valuable and distinguished over a “man” who thinks paying full price will earn him respect somehow. There’s many ways to get current fashion in the right brands for up to half the original price.

    “You start every day with [insert mood altering substance here]…

    This is completely vague and nonsensical. This could include coffee, tea, or even an apple (which has been shown to wake you up as well as coffee). This doesn’t make anyone white trash, it makes you human. Hell, even sugar sets off the same parts of your brain as meth does. Anyone who says they’ve never formed an addiction to anything in their life is a liar. Just because something is legal, it doesn’t make it less of an addiction.

    “You think having gone to community college or a for profit “university” automatically makes you not white trash…”

    For someone who wants to accuse their ex of being a racist, you just put down the majority of the American population who is an A) Minority and B) have families who can’t afford university tuition. Adam Connover discusses this briefly in his show here when he talks about how companies screw people over: https://youtu.be/S35X8lGxGPI at the 1:58 mark

    Community colleges offer valuable education to those that don’t have daddy’s money to waste on being an aspiring DJ. Our local community college is now offering bachelor’s degrees. The best thing you could do is complete your basics at a CC and THEN transfer to a university for your major to save money, if you’re smart with money, that is.

    • Patrick Fox says:

      The cost of a pair of shoes is not about fashion or style. It’s about quality. $50 is not a lot for a pair of adult shoes. But trashy people generally don’t know about, or appreciate quality products.

      The starting every day with [insert mood altering substance here] point refers to “mood altering substances”, just as the statement says. Coffee, tea, and fruits are not mood altering substances. Marijuana, cocaine, alcohol and crystal meth are mood altering substances.

      You’re missing the point about going to community college not automatically making you not white trash. Trashy people have the belief that just because they went to a college that automatically proves they’re not trashy. You can be educated and still be trashy.

      • ChangedPerspective says:

        -Yes, you can be educated and still trashy, I agree.

        -My point was you can get those $50 quality shoes for a better price if you’re money savvy. I only spent $30 on quality Vans for my child that were originally that much each originally. I also find $50 for ONE pair of shoes alone ridiculous. That doesn’t make me white trash.

        – please tell me how coffee and tea don’t affect people’s moods and behaviors. I thought that was the point in consuming them, no? Sugar can affect mood and behaviors. The point was faulting people for a thing all humans deal with, regardless of income, status, etc, is wrong.

        • Patrick Fox says:

          On the cost of shoes: fair enough. Personally, my Doc Martens usually run about $150 – $200 a pair, but to each their own, I suppose.

          Caffeine doesn’t “alter” a person’s mood – it merely increases your heart rate and mental alertness. Mood altering substances, such as illicit drugs and alcohol, warp your judgement and impair your motor skills. Nobody’s life ever went down the drain due to excessive coffee/tea consumption. I, personally, love Starbucks coffee and wouldn’t want to imagine life without it. Caffeine is definitely physically addictive, and the withdrawal headaches are a bitch, but I’ve never heard of a case of somebody’s caffeine addiction causing them to make poor choices or neglect their children.

          On a side note, the 4 years I spent in custody, I was constantly around chronic drug users – be it marijuana, meth, heroin, cocaine – but the only group that obsessed over their drug of choice, that refused to acknowledge their drug use may have had anything at all to do with their downfall, the only group that consistently proclaimed that as soon as they got out they were going to “smoke a fat blunt”, was the pot users. At least the meth and heroin users had enough sense to realize their drug use had fucked them up. A lot of people say marijuana is a harmless drug, but my own experience being around chronic users and growing up with a pothead mother, would argue otherwise.

        • Patrick Fox says:

          Also, keep in mind, I’m saying having a few traits from the list doesn’t necessarily mean a person is white trash – but the more traits one has, the more likely they are trashy. Though a few items, in particular, like the tattoo on the finger, well, that alone is a pretty good indicator that a person is pretty trashy.

          • ChangedPerspective says:

            I can’t agree with you that coffee does not alter moods. Have you ever tried to talk to someone that hasn’t had their morning cup or was on the first week of cutting it out of their diet? Coffee contains caffeine and caffeine can be very addictive. Cutting off caffeine causes headaches and short tempter in myself, and I’ve heard and read the same for many others.

            But I guess my point in general is that holding any addiction against someone is unfair since everyone has an addiction at one point in their lives. I can also agree about pot heads living in their own personal echo chamber about how “great” it is. But really that’s just the drugs talking and the affect it has made on the brain. The most annoying and hurtful part about losing my dad to cancer was people trying to convince us that pot would cure him.

            • Patrick Fox says:

              I agree with you that caffeine is very addictive. I also agree with the rest of the statements in your comment.

              Perhaps, we’ll say then, rather than meaning *any* addictive or mood altering substance, the particular point in the post shall refer, specifically, to marijuana (honestly, that’s really what I was alluding to anyway – I just didn’t want to give the impression I was saying that waking up with a joint is trashy but waking up with a line of coke is dignified).

              And just for the record: I don’t use any illicit drugs. When I was young (in my twenties), I did a lot of partying, so I’m no stranger to it all, but that was a lifetime ago.

  5. doug king says:

    How about my loser sister whom blew an inheritance that would literally afford her a new house clear title. She also has three dogs. For drinking water they get to use her toilet. Animal abuse if you ask me

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